We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
