Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
