So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
