her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
