Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
