Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
