so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
