After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
