My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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