I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
