where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
