i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im part way to drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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