im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
