im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
