Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is wine microwaveable?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
