The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
