I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
