I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
