Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
