Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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