Moan for me like Helen Keller
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
