I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
