oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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