My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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