I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
