I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize