i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
