I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
