we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
