Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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