In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
