Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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