i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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