i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
