yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
