went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
