ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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