Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
