piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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