i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
