my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
