so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
