dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
