he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
