It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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