i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
