4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
