it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
