I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
