I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
