Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish I only lived at night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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