He uses pillows to masturbate.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
