best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
