Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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