We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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